Carboard Hands

My hands feel like cardboard and reek of ammonia. Within hours, my apartment seems to have forgotten entirely all of the days and dreams I have shared with it. I feel tired – and satisfied. Most of the time, I enjoy transition.

I’m not particularly nostalgic about leaving Kirkland – but in the past 5 years, I’ve buried and built a lot of identifiers. The Hannah who drove up at 19 to begin nursing school with a burning vision for refugee camps and evangelism leaves tonight very changed. Perhaps I’m in some ways jaded and feeling more confused than when I came, but in many ways I own deeper passion, more solid vision, and a more full-bodied understanding of ministry and Kingdom building.

I find it ironic that a girl who dreamed of smuggling bibles into closed countries is leaving in two days to smuggle condoms into Athens. It makes me wonder who I’ll be 5 years from now. Too, it encourages me to consider: what are the dreams I am willing to sell – and which ones will I fight to manifest?

I’m too tired for big thoughts right now . . .

Monday, I finished packing my classroom up – I finished my 1st year of teaching AND I LOVED IT!! (Even better, I know I have a job lined up for next year. Praise the Lord!)

Tuesday, I met my new house-mates following my trip to Athens – my friend Denice (from New Horizons) and I are moving into Green Lake to live in community with 2 other wonderful women. Yay!

Thursday, move out of my apartment and go to class for the last time until 3rd semester finals. I can’t believe I’ve almost made it through my 1st year of grad. school. (Can I briefly acknowledge how excited I am to continue writing papers while in Athens – and start finals the day after I return to the US? That’s sarcastic.)

Sunday, leave for Athens – but I feel like there are still 8 billion things to do between then and now.

I was having a conversation with my friend Joanna the other day – I can’t decide if I love dreaming or organizing for the dreams more . . .

“You have to open a path in the thick forest – and sometimes you have to do it in the deep night, in a dark storm. And you have to do it yourself – because in the beginning, mostly no one will believe in you. You have to believe in yourself and God; once you start to walk it out, people will follow. You have to look at Jesus and you have to be flexible. Create and you will pay the price.” – Christian Comedian in Turkey